Questionable Acts
by Divergent 338
Summary: Kensi returns home from Afghanistan, after completing her mission. But did she make a mistake.
1. Coming back

Kensi sat quietly on her seat on the plane. Hands tightly pressed between her knees. Afghanistan to London, London to LA, seemed simple enough. Behind her she could her the happy murmurings of a couple, she applied more pressure to her hands as she thought of Deeks. I did this for HIM, she thought firmly. So I could come home to him. She closed her eyes briefly trying to see his blond curls and bright smile in her head in stead she saw the bright red explosion of blood and the body of a man falling to the ground again. Stop it she yelled internally at herself it's not like this is the first man you killed. No but this was the first man who she wasn't 100 percent sure that he deserved it, were there was no choice but to pull the trigger.

The flight attendant's voice over the intercom broke through her train of thought. "Ladies and gentlemen please remain seated a day fasten your seat belts, we are about to touch down in LAX. "

An hour later Kensi was standing on the sidewalk hailing down a cab. As one pulled over Kensi climbed into the back seat and gave directions to her apartment. It was noon in LA so although the traffic was bad, it didn't take too long to reach her small apartment. After getting out of the cab, she grabbed her small bag, thanked, and paid the driver.

The first thing to do she decided as she walked up the pavement to the front door, was to test the theory that twinkies last forever, she knew for sure that she had left a nearly full box on her coffee table when she left 5 months ago, and she had been craving them ever since Granger had pulled her away from her desk and Deeks.

But the moment Kensi unlocked and opened her door she knew something was wrong. First off the twinkies were gone, and so was the clutter and mess of her apartment. The air wasn't stuffy like it should be and she noticed that the curtains were opened and sunlight was pouring in. Her mind quickly raced to find an answer to whom had been in her home. The only person who knew she was in LA was Hetty, and she wouldn't do this. Her mind spun and landed on one conclusion:Deeks. After what happened at his apartment the only night they spent together he probably didn't want to return there right away, so had stayed here instead. Her heart broke at the thought of him not being able to face his own home.

Maybe I shouldn't eat now anyway she yawned I am so tired. She paused only to set her bag on the table before laying down on the couch and falling into a deep sleep. Her slumber was interrupted by nightmares of the man she killed later and Kensi awoke in a frenzy drenched in sweat. She glanced at face and immediately rose with excitement. It was 4:15 unless he had an ongoing case Deeks would be home soon. She ran to the bathroom, showered and applied makeup. Then dressed in a simple jeans and tee shirt. Kensi ran out the door remembering only at the last minute to lock it. She jumped in her SRX and drove much to quickly to Deeks place,. At the last minute she decided to park her car half a block from his home, so he wouldn't see when he parked.

Kensi jogged to his building and sat on the front step ready to wait forever if need be. 


	2. A Welcome Home

Kensi expected Deeks to show up quickly, but it was 9 : 45 and he had not arrived yet. Maybe she was wrong about him. Maybe he wasn't going to come home, maybe he was in another woman's arms tonight, Maybe he got tired of waiting for her on the frozen lake. Tears began sting her eyes as she thought of Deeks curled around a woman in a warm bed, while she was sitting here on his stoop waiting for him.

It was ten when Kensi finally gave up, stood, brushed herself off, rubbed lingering tears from her eyes. It was ten when she finally heard the car pulling up. Sam's Challenger stopped at the curb, and a tall man with curly blond hair stepped out. She could hear their voices faintly and caught it when Deeks said, "Thanks, but next times it's on me. Sure ya don't want to come in? " Sam familiar voice sounded something she couldn't hear, and Deeks replied " Okay see you tomorrow morning."

The Challenger disappeared down the street and Deeks walked towards her, not noticing her because he was pulling his keys out at the same time. He was maybe three feet away from her when he lifted his head and his eyes locked in on her.

"K-Kensi?" He whispered. Crossing the last few feet between them. He reached over touched a lock of her hair. "Tell me you're real this time. " Deeks said almost to himself, "I can't bear to wake up again and see that you're gone." Kensi reached up and covered his hand with her own, so it was pressed against her cheek. "I'm real," she whispered back to him. "I'm right here. " She moved his hand from her cheek to her lips and kissed his palm. But he pulled his hand away and replaced it with his lips, the kiss started out soft and gentle, but Deeks soon gave up on this and kissed her hungrily pouring all of his want and need from the last 5 months into it. After a few moments Kensi broke away from the kiss, she laughed lightly. "Deeks, I missed this as much as you have but don't you think we should talk some? We have all night for this." She grinned at him and kissed him lightly. Deeks looked down at her and smirked, "Sure, princess. " But he still grabbed her and kissed her another couple minutes before unlocking the door and holding it open for her.

Kensi took a seat on his couch, and watched as Deeks shut the door, and let Monty into his small dog run out back. He then sat down beside her and Kensi leaned against him, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and nuzzled his head into her hair. "What happened, " He said, "how are you back? " Kensi smiled at his tone, he sounded... almost reverent. "You complaining. " She teased. "Never" was Deeks reply and the reason she turned her head towards his and kissed him passionately, Deeks didn't resist, but after a few minutes, he pulled away and whispered his lips brushing hers as he spoke. "Woah there Kensalina, I thought you wanted to calm this down for a bit so we could talk. " Kensi grinned and kissed him harder, "talk is cheap, Deeks. " He pulled away again, but this time it was to laugh, which of course only made her want him more, god she had missed that laugh. "No arguments here, " He whispered and closed the gap between their lips again.

When Kensi awoke sunlight was pouring in through the window, she explored her surroundings and discovered that the soft pillow beneath her head was her partner's bare chest. "Mm, good morning." She heard turned her head to see Deeks smiling down at her. "And a good morning to you," she replied. "What time is it?" He glanced at the bedside clock and groaned, "almost nine Hetty is going to kill me." Kensi rose quickly and grabbed Deeks hands pulling him up to. "If we shower, and dress super fast we can get there by ten." She glanced at the clock, "thirty."

They were speed eating some breakfast when Deeks asked her, "do you have a change of clothes? " Kensi finished her last bit of cereal and answered that she did in her car. "Where is your car? " He asked. "Parked about a half a block away, I wanted to surprise you." Deeks smiled, "well, mission accomplished, " He kissed her cheek and headed to the sink to wash their dishes. But Kensi remained frozen to her seat, Deeks couldn't have known it but his innocent words brought back, a terrible memory she had been working to forget for days.

BAM! She was in the hummer after just shooting HIM, Granger patted her shoulder in a uncharacteristic show friendliness, "mission accomplished. " He had said.

"Kensi! Kensi, we gotta go. " She let Deeks grab her hand and pull out the door.

Kensi had hoped the misery she felt over taking the man's life was mostly sadness over missing Deeks, but now, she knew it wasn't.


	3. A Little Help From My Friends

Deeks knew something was wrong, they had walked to her car, and Kensi changed in the restroom of a McDonald's, she had seemed fine maybe a bit more distant then normal, but fine really fine. But then she had came out of the restaurant, with a breakfast burrito in her hand.

"Yeah, you must be hungry. " Deeks teased, "you haven't eaten in what? " He looked at his watch with over-the-top movements, "nearly 30 minutes. "

Kensi stuck out her tongue, tossed him the keys to her SRX. Deeks looked down at them like they were some unnatural object that fallen from the sky to his hand. That was when he knew something had to be wrong. He looked at her dubiously, unsure if it was a joke. "You want me to drive?"

"Yeah buddy you can handle that right?" She flashed him a grin that most people would think was real, but it wasn't Deeks had been lucky enough to see the real Kensi smile more then once, and this was not it.

"No problem at all, Kens." He opened his door and began to climb in but stopped himself, get it out there he told himself we don't exactly have the best communication skills but I've gotta try. "Say uh Kensi." Deeks began, real smooth buddy he scolded himself. "Is there a uh, is there something wrong, you're acting a little different."

Kensi scoffed and shot him a look that said she thought he was crazy for worrying about her. "Relax, Deeks I'm fine." Then she narrowed her eyes playfully at him and started to climb in the passenger seat.

His warning voice stops her. " Kens."

Kensi turned slowly to look at the detective. "Okay, yeah you're right."

If things were normal Deeks would say something silly about her saying "You're right" to him, but things were not normal. His blue eyes turned a shade darker as he looked at her. "What's wrong, princess?"

"Please not now." Kensi allowed herself to beg him. "I just, I need to be happy right now. Later I promise I'll tell you. Just give me now."

Kensi doesn't know what she was expecting from that statement, but she was a little in awe as she watched Deeks quickly move around the side of the car, and felt him tightly wrap his arms around her.

"Anything for you princess, you know that."

His arms crushed her against his body, but the constriction was welcome. So she let him hold her tightly, let him whisper sweet nothings into her ear, let him kiss his way up her neck until they found her lips, and kissed him back when they did.

The gentle kiss originally meant for comfort, quickly turned into something else. Kensi let a small moan when she felt the heat pooling in her body, and a whimper when Deeks lips pulled away from hers. She lifted her head back up to him, but he only gave her a light peck on the lips, before pulling away again. Kensi groaned in frustration, but before she could lift her lips again he pressed a finger to them.

"Whoa there, Kensalina. I don't know about you, but I don't like the idea of getting arrested for writing poetry in a McDonald's parking lot." He flashed her a sultry grin and walked back around to his side of the car.

"Writing poetry, really Deeks?" She teased him.

"Whatever tickles your pickle."

...

...

They pulled into Kensi's usual parking space by the mission, a parking spot she hasn't used in months. Kensi's mouth went unexpectedly dry and fear ran through her at the thought of facing her co-workers again.

Deeks noticed the sudden change that came over the brunette beside him, and he took her hand in his. "You got this, Kens. Don't worry." He smiled at her softly and touched his lips to hers.

Kensi watched her partner leave the car and she followed him out into the sunshine.

"You ready for this?" Deeks asked.

"Definitely." She grinned at him, before striding off to the huge wooden doors of OSP. Deeks caught up to her, by the time she was swinging open the door and he followed her inside.

She walked into the bullpen, expecting to be greeted with laughter and hugs but it was surprisingly empty.

"Deeks. Where is everyone?"

The tall blond man came to stand beside her, he shrugged. "Don't know, princess."

"Ms. Blye, Mr. Deeks, I'm afraid your friends have left for lunch already, as you can see it's quite late." They jumped and glanced over to see Hetty standing beside them dressed impeccably as usual.

Deeks snuck a brief look at his watch and gulped when he saw it was nearly noon.

"Yes, Mr. Deeks it really is that late, even though I was aware that Ms. Blye's return may cause you two to be a tad late I expected better of you!" Hetty paused when she saw the young partners at least had the dignity to look ashamed. "You're both on desk duty for the remainder of the week. Perhaps that will allow you to have the time to purchase an alarm clock, Mr. Deeks." She noted their shocked and displeased expressions and laughed. "Oh relax it's Tuesday that's only a few days and it will allow Ms. Blye the time to settle in and for you two to... talk things through." Hetty strode away, and called over her shoulder. "Kensi, I expect that operations report on my desk by tonight."

Deeks looked over at Kensi shocked. "Did she really just call you by your first name?"

"Uh, yeah I guess so." Kensi said it like it was an afterthought and the look Deeks gave was full of pure unfiltered curiosity. "How the hell did it take us that long to get here, Deeks?"

She said it so seriously and Deeks couldn't control his light barking laugh over her question.

"What?" Kensi punched him in the arm.

"Guess I just thought it was something more serious." He laughed and gently rubbed the place on his shoulder were her fist had collided.

"I am being serious! God, Deeks!"

He chuckled and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Well, Kensalina, for one thing we live in LA which is pretty much the capital of traffic, add that to the fact we got up late plus our little poetry slam that all together adds up to getting in late."

"Not tomorrow though. I've got enough going on without having to worry about Hetty firing me." Kensi warned him.

"Of course." And she tilted her head up inviting as he leaned towards her. But the sudden laughter of Nell interrupted the would be kiss.

The four friends and colleagues walked through the entrance of the mission and simultaneously stopped when they saw Kensi standing beside her partner, a nervous smile on her face.

Nell was the first to move. "Oh my god! Kensi!" The petite young woman ran and encased her friend in a close hug. "When did you get back?"

Kensi couldn't keep the smile of her face. "Yesterday afternoon."

Nell released her and grinned. "Too bad we missed Deeks saying hello to you when you got in this morning that had to be a greeting for the ages."

"Oh actually Deeks saw me...last night." Kensi dragged out the couple words seeing Deeks frantically shaking his head at her.

"Oh he did, did he?" Sam's smirk light up the room.

"Yeah, Kensi wanted to say hello, ya know given that we're partners and all. Then she was really tired so she the spent the night." Deeks chuckled nervously trying desperately to downplay it.

Nell smiled innocently at them. "Oh I bet she was tired." Behind her Callen and Sam stifled laughter and Eric looked mildly terrified.

"Oh come guys we're partners." Deeks protested.

"That's right. Partners" Kensi reached down and took his hand. "In EVERY sense of the word."

The humor drained from the faces of their friends as they watched Deeks lower his lips to Kensi and lightly kiss her.

"Well I'm happy for you." Nell smiled and hugged Kensi again but gently this time.

Sam was the first of the three men to approach them. "Me too." He said begrudgingly and hugged Kensi. "Welcome back, Kens."

Callen and Eric slowly followed Sam's lead and embraced Kensi murmuring their congratulations and welcome backs.

Kensi and Nell wandered off after that leaving Deeks alone with the other men.

"Listen." Sam began pointing a finger at Deeks.

"Yeah, yeah. I know the drill." Deeks said. "I hurt her, you guys kill me and no one ever finds the body. It's a good thing that I have zero intention of hurting her in any way and that I will not let our relationship effect our job, we're good. And as long as one of us doesn't get sent half way around the world again, we'll stay good."

Sam and Callen watched and nodded after he finished. "Okay." Sam said.

"Okay what do you okay. You're not going to kill me, or try to spilt us up, we're good."

"Yup," Callen stated.

"What about you, Eric?" Deeks asked.

"What me?" Eric said horrified. "I wasn't aware that I was supposed contribute to this conversation."

That made the other men laugh washing out any darkness that lingered among them.

Meanwhile Kensi and Nell had found their way to base of the steps and talking quietly.

"Kensi are you okay?" Nell finally burst out.

"Ywah, of course I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be okay, I'm back. Why does everyone keep asking me that anyway?" Kensi grumbled.

Nell looked worried UT didn't press the issue. "Okay but you need anything, and I mean anything, let me know."

Kensi was conflicted and it showed. " Nell... there actually is something you can to do for me."

"Like I said anything."

Nell's determination finally made Kensi relent. "Dig anything you can on my mission on Afghanistan, and a man called the white ghost. And Nell, keep this under wraps, please."

"Of course."

Just then Sam, Callen, and Deeks erupted in laughter and Kensi watched them, marveling on how a little laughter can drive the darkness away.

...

...

I know that chapter was long awaited and I'm sorry, don't be too mad at me. I wanted to make this chapter a bit lighter, did I succeed?

As a CHRISTMAS gift of a sort I'm updating both my fanfic stories today, so take a look at Blind Date too. And please review.


	4. Whispered Secrets

**This chapter was hard to right! Granted the first little bit about Nell was easy and fun to write, but it isn't easy for Kensi to open up and as it turns no easier to write about her opening up. This might be a little bit rough, because I'm not sure I'll have WI-FI in the next few days, and I'd rather post it in in it's rough state then possibly wait days. I really hope you enjoy it, and PLEASE review.**

* * *

><p>The faint tapping of Nell's fingers on the keypad of her computer echoed around the gigantic empty room. She'd never been to OPS this late before but the information Kensi wanted was something Nell didn't feel comfortable digging into while the building was full. The light from the lone screen illuminated both the room and the frustrated face of the intelligence analyst. Never before had she seen such firewalls up to protect intell. Whoever logged the report in the system went to extreme lengths to safeguard it from prying eyes.<p>

"Grr, aww-" Her groan was cut off by the doors sliding open, and Nell simultaneously jumped in shock and twisted in her chair to spot the intruder.

Eric Beale stood in the doorway of OPS, holding a full coffee tray in one hand and a Chinese takeout bag in the other hand.

"Hey!" He spoke in his usual cheery fashion. "I thought you'd probably be hungry. So." Instead finishing the sentence, Eric just lifted up the takeout bag slightly.

"Eric, what're you doing here?" She hissed.

At that point, Eric had reached her chair and was standing behind her. He peered at her screen. "Think I'd let you have all the hacking fun without me, Ms. Jones." He whistled softly. "Wow, those are some serious firewalls."

"How did you know that I was here?"

Please, Nell." He scoffed. "You're like the worst secret keeper ever."

"Shut up." Nell stated and took the carton of Kung pow chicken he offered.

"You do remember." Nell said between bites. "That Hetty doesn't allow eating in OPS."

"What Hetty doesn't know won't hurt her." He spoke with an open mouth, spraying bits of Chinese food around himself.

"And what she does know, will hurt you, Mr. Beale."

The wonder twins froze as the small woman walked towards them, when Nell regained her ability to move she quickly pressed the keys to send her computer into sleep mode.

Hetty waved her hand dismissively. "No need, Ms. Jones. I know all about the assignment Ms. Blye put you on, you are a terrible secret keeper, you know."

Hetty paused when she saw Nell's terrified expression. "Oh, you don't need not worry, dear. I have no intention of pulling you away from the job, or firing you. All I ask is that you report all your findings to me as well as Ms. Blye.

"Of course, Hetty." Nell spoke clearly now that she was certain in the security of her job.

"Now, Mr. Beale." Hetty authoritative tone rung through the room.

"Yes, Hetty." Eric lowered his head shamefully.

"Pass me that carton of egg drop soup."

...

...

Deeks made himself comfortable on Kensi's couch as he heard the water for her shower switch off.

They'd stopped at his apartment briefly on the way to her place, giving him time to shower and grab some clothes so he wouldn't show up at work the same tee shirt and jeans days in a row.

During the drive the silence and tension between the two of them had been nearly unbearable. Both of them scared of the conversation they knew would happen tonight.

Now seated on her lumpy couch, gazing around at her already messy living room, Deeks felt the knots in his stomach tighten as the bathroom door opened. He could hear her moving in her bedroom at the back of the apartment, and his breath hitched slightly when she stepped out in front of him.

She dressed in simple gray sweatpants and a red tee shirt that was several sizes too large and said in huge white letters across the front RAMAN NOODLES BREAKFAST, LUNCH, AND DINNER. Her long hair, still damp from the shower hung in frizzy waves around her shoulders. How does she do that he wondered, it shouldn't be possible for a woman to look as beautiful as she does now while in pajamas for God's sake.

"Deeks?" Her apprehensive voice cut through his train of thought. "You good, shaggy?"

He smiled at her attempt at a joke and patted the cushion next to him. Still watching him carefully she sat down a good foot away from him her hands pressed in her lap.

"Screw this." Deeks muttered, and scooped her up while swinging his legs up onto the couch, he nestled her down at his side so she was practically lying on top of him.

Kensi initially felt shock when Deeks arms went around her lifting her from her place and resting her against him, but it took maybe a fraction of a second for her to relax against his grip and snuggle into his warm chest.

"Mm, better?" She teased.

"Much."

Lying there silently Kensi allowed herself to truly unwind for the first time since she pulled the trigger. Her partner's familiar heartbeat under her ear, and his fingers tangling themselves in her hair coaxed the words out of her mouth and Kensi began to speak.

"After we talked by the ambulance I stayed at the scene with Sam and Callen for a while before we headed back to the mission. I finished with paperwork and was all ready for you to walk through the doors, I felt like all my years before that moment meant nothing, like my life was only just beginning, and I was so ready to begin my life with you. Callen knew he came right up to me and asked if I was waiting for you, I told him I was, there was no doubt in my mind at that moment that I wanted you."

Kensi took a deep shuddering breath before beginning the story again. Only Deeks fingers still stroking her hair kept her on that couch and talking.

"Granger walked up then and told I'd been reassigned but either I didn't believe him or I simply didn't want to trust in the fact that just after I got you, you were being ripped from my life. Hetty walked by and I begged her to tell me differently but she only seconded what Granger had said, she gave me a clean shirt and told me I had to go."

Deeks didn't miss the notes of bitterness in Kensi's voice when she mentioned Hetty, knowing that although she still respected and cared about her boss, the trust that was there before was not nearly as strong.

"I got that text from you just then and it broke my heart, I'm almost there you said and I'll could think was it's too late I'll be gone and when I do get back where will we be? Granger drove me to the plane, but left me there by myself. Never, uh, never tell anyone this Deeks, but the moment I stepped on that plane I started sobbing, people tried to calm me down but I couldn't be stopped. Eventually they just stuck me in a back closet and told me to wait it out. I did stop after a little while but..."

"Let me guess you were to embarrassed to leave the closet by then and spent the entire ride in there." Deeks gently teased her.

Kensi tipped her tear stained face up to him, and he whispered something that sounded like "Oh god no" and wrapped his arms tightly around her, almost smothering her with his embrace. She let him hold her and enjoy the comfort he brought her, she realized that he didn't know she'd been crying as the story flowed from her lips.

"Let's not continue, huh, this isn't good for you, Kens." He mumbled in between the kisses he planting on her forehead.

"I've got to get this out there Deeks, if not now then another time and I just want to get this over with."

He let out a deep sigh. "Okay."

Kensi grabbed his hand entwined their fingers and continued. "When I got to Afghanistan, everyone there was surprisingly nasty, and no one seemed to know why I was there. I'd resorted to just throwing knifes in boredom, when Granger made an appearance. He told me about a man, an American, who was aiding the Taliban. They called him the White Ghost and they." Kensi paused and drew in a deep shuddering breath. "It was my job to kill him. It took months to locate him, but once they did I was put up on this hill with my rifle and there he was in front of me, he alone standing by his car talking on a Sat phone to someone, we don't know who, he was laughing, and Granger was yelling in my ear to pull the trigger, he was gone so fast, just an explosion of blood, and he was gone. It shouldn't be haunting me like this, Deeks! But I can't stop thinking about him, I feel like I shouldn't have shot him, and it's burning me up inside."

After a moment, Kensi spoke again. "You probably think I'm stupid, right? Like I'm wrong for all bent out of shape for this guy."

"Not all, Kens. I trust you, more then I trust myself and if you say that somethings off, then somethings off." His tone changed and became a bit lighter. "So is that what Nell was freaking out about today, you asked her to look into this?"

"Yeah."

For a while after that no words passed between them, as they lay there trying get used to the fact that they were together again, and now they could do this, they could just lay in each others arms until the sun rose.

Finally Deeks leaned down and kissed the tear streaks on her face and she giggled softly when his scruff tickled her chin.

"What're ya doing?"

"Trying to make you feel better, apparently it's working."

She was still laughing when his lips found hers and forced them apart as he kissed her. Never breaking contact, Kensi climbed on top of him and straddled him with her hips as she leaned in further to deepen the kiss.

Deeks gave a small grunt of surprise when her weight settled on him, chucking he pulled away from her, and winked at her growl of frustration. He moved his attention to the side of her hesd, nuzzling her damp hair out of the way to kiss the shell of her ear, and dropping several open mouth kisses to where her oversized shirt slipped off her shoulder.

Sliding her hands along his abdomen Kensi lifted the tee shirt over his head and forced his lips back to her.

"To the bedroom, Princess." He whispered into her mouth and a shiver rode it's way down her spine, lifting her up by her hips, he wrapped her legs around his waist and carried her to the back of the apartment.

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><p><strong>Well, that was it. REALLY hoped you liked it. Nell is surprisingly fun to write about think I'll go back to her before this story is finished. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review! Every time I see that I have one it's makes my day. <strong>


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